Talking TV

Synopsis

Dawn and Ian are sitting in the car chatting about kids TV and television in general.

Location

The car

Activity

What I just said in the synopsis

Script

Dawn:

What was your favourite Saturday morning kids tv show?

Ian:

We didn't have a tv

Dawn:

[Shocked] No, you never had a tv? How did you know what was happening in Eastenders?

Ian:

Never watched it.

Dawn:

You never saw the episode where Ange was given her marching orders by Dirty Den Watts

Ian:

Den Watts?

Dawn puts her finger in her mouth

Ian:

Oh him [grimaces] No

Dawn:

Seriously, you never had a tv? You live and learn.

Ian:

(pop the "P") Nope, We were a radio family. 6:30 we'd be round the radio listening to the comedy shows

Dawn:

What shows did you listen too?

Ian:

I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue?

Dawn:

Come on you must remember some of them

Ian:

No, that's what the show was called I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue?

Dawn:

Anything else?

Ian:

We used to listen to The Consultants

Dawn:

Any good?

Ian:

Pretty good actualy [Ian looks to camera]

Dawn:

So you didn't watch any Saturday kids tv?

Ian:

To be honest the only time I used to watch TV was when I used to stop at Damian Spencers house, we used to watch Swap Shop. his mum wouldn't let us to watch Tiswaz because of Sally James and her, you know, things.

Dawn:

Ah, Noel Edmonds the king of the high tension game show, took Tarrants crown. [Dawn mimes a phone to her ear and mimics Noel Edmonds] "We've got the banker on the line …yes ..yes…Hmm okay….Well Ian he say's you've played a good game, you've got the power of five on your side and now he wants to know…."

Ian stares at Dawn blankly very confused.

Ian:

Erm?..If he'll swap an action man for a pair of roller skates?

Dawn:

No, come on Ian you must know! What's in the box?

Ian:

Erm? the head of Gwyneth Paltrow?

Dawn:

No Ian, Deal or No Deal! Gwyneth Palltrow?

Ian:

Seven

Dawn looks sad.

Dawn

Poor Brad

Dawn snaps out of it and is now very excited and happy that she's teaching Ian about new things

Oh my goodness Ian. When we get back we are so going to get you a tv! Plasma, that's what you need! I know a man in Coventry, he'll sort you out. You're missing out on loads of great popular culture. Seriously you haven't lived!

Ian:

[unsure] okay

Dawn is in thought

Dawn:

I'm a celebrity!

Ian:

Well you are sort of [looks to the camera and nervously points]

Dawn:

No not me! [laughs] It's a game show "I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here!" or [mouths the title rolls eyes up concentrating and counts on fingers] "IACGMOOH" for short. A show where celebrities are out in the jungle and they have to win their meals by doing horrible tasks. Pour examplé being buried alive in a case full of rats. Eeee nasty.

Ian:

Isn't that potentionaly life threatening? Surely rats are full of disease?

Dawn:

Yes Ian but it doesn't matter! There's jeopardy! Jeopardy! It's the number one buzz word in TV if it ain't got it they don't want to know. They love shows where something could go wrong at any moment. Ask Jonti. Am I not right Jonti? Tell him.

Jonti:

She's right most tv companies do like- Shi- [Jonti drops camera and white noise comes up on screen]

FADE OUT

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