Meeting Mr William Oddie

William Oddie
One of the siblings on the list.

They could be heading towards a Mr William Oddie and then Dawn and Ian could have the following conversation, suppose this could really be set anywhere.

Dawn: William Oddie
Ian: Will Oddie for short probably
Dawn: Or Teddy Oddie
Ian: What?
Dawn: Teddy short for William
Ian: Teddy is short for Edward
Dawn: What about Bob Oddie
Ian: That is short for Robert.
Dawn: Well there is another way of shortening William
Ian: Yes Bill, maybe people call him Bill Oddie?
THEY BOTH LOOK AT EACH OTHER
AND SAY IN UNISON
Ian,Dawn: We are related to Bill Oddie
THIS WOULD REALLY PEP THEM UP, THEY NOW BELIEVE THEY ARE RELATED TO SOMEONE REALLY FAMOUS. DAWN CONSTANTLY GOES ON ABOUT THE FACT THAT SHE KNEW THAT SHE HAD THEATRICAL TALENT, TALKING AGAIN ABOUT HER PERFORMANCE ON THE RADIO. DAWN IS REALLY KEEN BECAUSE SHE BELIEVES THAT BILL ODDIE WILL REALLY BE ABLE TO OPEN DOORS FOR HER, I MEAN AFTER ALL HE WAS IN MONTY PYTHON (IAN DOESN’T HAVE THE HEART TO TELL HER HE WAS IN THE GOODIES BUT IS NOT A PYTHON).
AS THEY GET TO WHERE BILL ODDIE IS THEY SEE FROM A DISTANCE THAT HE HAS HIS BINOCULARS OUT AND IS HIDING BEHIND A TREE OBSERVING SOMETHING FROM A DISTANCE. IAN REMINDS HER THAT HE IS INTO NATURE PROGRAMS THESE DAYS.
AS THEY GET CLOSER THIS GUY IS SO OBVIOUSLY NOT THE BILL ODDIE BUT DAWN SEEMS TO THINK HE IS (SHE HAS NO IDEA REALLY WHAT BILL ODDIE DOES LOOK LIKE).
Dawn: That’s him Ian that is definitely him, alright.
Michael (to Ian): I’m not convinced that is Bill Oddie you know!
IAN LOOKS AT THE CAMERA AND SHRUGS
Ian: Don’t say anything Michael, let her live this dream
AS THEY APPROACH BILL HE IS OBVIOUSLY CAPTIVATED. THEY CALL OUT HIS NAME AND HE SHUSHES THEM TO BE QUIET BUT AT THE SAME TIME CALLING THEM OVER.
Bill: (LOOKING THROUGH HIS BINOCULARS) Now that is beautiful that really is gorgeous.
Ian: Let’s see.
IAN TAKES THE BINOCULARS IT IS CLEAR THAT BILL WAS JUST WATCHING A YOUNG COUPLE CANOODLING IN A FIELD. YOU HEAR SOMEONE SHOUT ‘OYE’ THE GUY IN THE FIELD HAS SEEN IAN SPYING ON THEM AND IS RUNNING TOWARDS HIM.
Bill: Quick leg it.
IAN AND BILL RUN OFF DAWN DOESN’T QUITE KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON BUT SHE TAGS ALONG ANYWAY
FADE IN
FADE OUT
IAN AND DAWN ARE TALKING ABOUT THEIR TIME IN THE POLICE STATION IT TURNS OUT THAT THIS BILL ODDIE CHARACTER IS A LOCAL PEEPING TOM
Dawn: So Bill Oddie is a local peeping tom. I mean I know Monty Python isn’t as popular as it used to be but you wouldn’t have thought he would sink this low.
Ian: No I suppose you wouldn’t.

Dale Griffiths.
p.s. What would be really good is if you could somehow get a Python (maybe John Cleese, is a fan of the Joneses) to play the Bill Oddie character or what about Michael Palin or even better Terry Jones as he is already a Jones ha ha. I realise of course that this is pretty unlikely but it would be a cool twist on the sketch.

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