Mass Tourism

Mass Tourism

INT: Car.

DAWN: I love lazy Sundays.

IAN: Sunday? Dawn I think we should go to church.

DAWN: What?

IAN: I haven’t been to church in six weeks.

DAWN: You are joking, church? Dawn Jones does not attend church. If I want to hear about a bearded man getting nailed I’ll read about George Michael.

IAN: I think church might help us.

DAWN: Ian we are in a Catholic country, where are you going to find a Church of England, oh wait there’s one, right beside that needle and colossal haystack.

IAN: Dawn we need some guidance, Catholic guidance is as good as any.

DAWN: No Ian, I am not attending a Catholic service, it’s not….we just can’t.

IAN: Why?

DAWN: No Ian.

IAN: A religion by any other name would smell as sweet.

DAWN: Not when it’s called Catholicism. Ian we’re Pepsi to their Classic Coke, we might be easier to swallow but we just don't have the distribution network they have.

IAN: Would Islam be Dr. Pepper?

DAWN: Why?

IAN: It’s different and tastes funny.

DAWN: Sure, why not.

IAN: Dawn please.

DAWN: No, no there’s no point, we wouldn’t understand the priest anyway.

IAN: So just like a regular Sunday service then.

DAWN: Look no, we are not going.

IAN: What if it helps us find the rest of our family…one prayer can’t hurt.

DAWN: It can when it’s never answered.

IAN: Please Dawn, for me.


IAN: Yes.


IAN: Yes.

Ian stares intently at Dawn, a hint of piety in his gaze.

DAWN: We’re sitting at the back. Do not touch, eat or speak to anyone or anything and we might just be o.k….

IAN: Just remember Martin Luther bad, Padre Pio good.


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