SYNOPSIS
Dawn and Ian bond through adversity like siblings should.
DAWN and IAN are talking, perhaps in the car. Carston isn’t present.
DAWN
We make a good team, you and me. I think and I act. You… ponder. Mainly.
IAN
We’re also like opposites. I’m taller, You’re slimmer. I hate touching my belly button. I’ve seen you prod yours with a pool cue.
DAWN
And this. This adventure. It’s brought us closer together. Like the tortoise and the hare – you know that fairytale? They head off together, but only one comes back. Then the other one returns cos he’s slow and their dad kills a fat calf for their tea.
IAN
Brothers Grimm?
DAWN
No they’re delighted. It’s a win-win situation for everyone.
IAN
Apart from the calf.
DAWN
I knew you were going to say that. I think there’s a psychic connection forming with us. Half brothers and sisters often have that, especially if they’re twins like us. That’d be useful, eh?
IAN (agitated)
Don’t read my thoughts, Dawn. Please.
DAWN
Ian, listen to me. I’d never invade your head that way. Your thoughts are the only private thing you have when you’re in a people carrier. I’d always let you know in advance if I was going to read them. Give you time to tidy them up. You know, shove the smutty ones under your thalamus sleep centre.
IAN
I’d need, say, twenty minutes.
DAWN
You got it bab. Listen, as well as psychic linkage, let’s invent a code other people won’t understand. So no-one bad can split us up again.
IAN
Like Morse Code?
DAWN
I never watched it. All that beer drinking on duty put me off. No, like, if I ever say, “that’s the jammiest idea I’ve ever heard”, it means I hate the idea. And if I say, “I’ll be alright here, I love marmalade” it means I don’t want to be left here. Got it?
IAN
Yes. Are they all preserve-based?
DAWN
They will be. Or toppings. I might run out of preserves. Not fruit or meat, though. If I said, “rob that deaf lady? What a beefy plan” it means I’m seriously up for it. Got it?
IAN
Yes. I’ll do the same then. Only I’ll choose… I don’t know. I can’t think.
DAWN
How about films? “You could say, “that’s a Top Gun idea. Yes, let’s go skinny-dipping.” The person we’re with would think you mean it but I’d know…
IAN
Things you’d find in a church. “Get off me you ‘nave’! Per ‘apse’ you’d like to say that again. Don’t call me a ‘rood screen’ if you want to remain ‘perpendicular’!”
DAWN
No, you just tell the truth. If you don’t want to do something, just say so. I’ll verify it psychically if needs be. That way clarity and sanity can be maintained. I’ll use preserves, though. In case the psychic thing isn’t two-way yet.
IAN (mumbling quite intensely to himself now)
“You fonting organ. I’ll aspire to altar pew in a minute, Hannibal Lectern.”
DAWN
How come you know so much about churches?
