Checkout

IAN AND DAWN ARE DOING A SPOT OF SHOPPING. THEY ARRIVE AT THE CHECKOUT. IAN IS IN FRONT WITH DAWN SLIGHTLY BEHIND. THE CHECKOUT GIRL LOOKS AT THEM, THEN AT THE SHOPPING BASKET.

CHECKOUT GIRL:
I’m sorry - only ten items are allowed on this checkout.

IAN LOOKS DOWN INTO THE BASKET, THEN BACK AT THE CHECKOUT GIRL, ANXIOSULY. HE QUICKLY THINKS ON HIS FEET

IAN:
What if I tossed some carrots, lettuce,

HE PICKS UP AND SHOWS THE CHECKOUT GIRL A BAG OF CARROTS AND THEN A LETTUCE FROM OUT OF HIS BASKET

IAN:
Cucumber and tomato

IAN HOLDS UP A CUCUMBER THEN A TOMATO

IAN:
Around this basket

IAN SHAKES AROUND THE BASKET

IAN:
To make a lovely, crunchy salad?

CHECKOUT GIRL SHAKES HER HEAD, AS IF TO SAY ‘NO’. IAN THINKS AGAIN.

IAN:
Or – how about Cheese,

IAN HOLDS UP A BLOCK OF CHEDDAR

IAN:
And bread,

IAN HOLDS UP A BAGUETTE

IAN:
With pickle and maybe an apple –

IAN DISPLAYS HIS SANDWICH PICKLE AND A GRANNY SMITH

IAN:
Kind of like a Ploughman’s Lunch?

CHECKOUT GIRL FOLDS HER ARMS UNIMPRESSED. INCREASINGLY DESPERATE, IAN PICKS UP A STICK OF RHUBARB AND SOME INSTANT CUSTARD TO SHOW THE CHECKOUT GIRL

IAN:
Rhubarb and Custard?

CHECKOUT GIRL:
(STERN) Ten items only, you still have eleven.

A FED UP DAWN INTERVENES AND TURNS TO IAN, ANGRILY

DAWN:
Let her have it Ian.

IAN LOOKS AT DAWN, SHOCKED.

DAWN:
(ANGRY) Let her have it.

REGRETFULLY, IAN PUTS HIS HAND INTO THE BASKET AND PULLS OUT A TEDDY BEAR. HE HANDS IT OVER TO THE CHECKOUT GIRL, WHO PUTS IT ASIDE

IAN:
(SAD) He was on special offer.

DAWN:
So was the coleslaw – (CYNICAL) I didn’t see you rushing to put that in the basket.

THE CHECKOUT GIRL STARTS SCANNING THE ITEMS FROM THE BASKET, AMIDST THE SLIGHT TENSION IN THE AIR

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