All day long I’d …….
Dawn and Ian meet this really jovial fella in some village or other in some foreign country (doesn’t matter but sunny would help). He introduces himself as Rybrit.
Rybrit: (SPOKEN IN SOME ACCENT OTHER THAN THE QUEEN’S ENGLISH)Yes, that’s a real story interesting Dawn and Mr Ian. Family is very important me also.
THEY ARE WALKING ALONG THE STREET TOGETHER RYBRIT KEEPS SORT OF GRABBING/SCRATCHING/TUGGING AT HIS CROTCH ANYWAY HE DOESN’T SEEM COMFORTABLE DOWN THERE
Ian: Are you ok Rybrit, something chaffing?
Rybrit: It is the heat always the heat, and the pant, you know the pants?
Dawn: Yes you know the pants don’t you Ian, Ian also wears pants Rybrit. (TO IAN) You’ve got some savalon in your tin Ian see if he….IAN STARTS TO CHECK
Rybrit: (PUTS HIS HAND OVER THE TIN) It’s the Hessian cloth, stupid tradition the Hessian pants ( RYBRIT CONTINUES SCRATCHING, SCRATCHING, REARRANGING HIMSELF PULLING PANTS OUT OF HIS BOTTOM CREVACE ETC.)
AS THEY WALK DOWN THE STREET SEVERAL PASSERS BY FROM ACROSS THE STEET SHOUT TO HIM
Passerby 1: Hey Topo?????? (YOU CAN’T MAKE OUT THE LAST BIT IT SORT OF TRAILS AWAY)
Rybrit: Hey, you cheeky monkey yourself, you cheeky monkey.
Passerby 2: Hey Topo?????? (YOU CAN’T MAKE OUT THE LAST BIT IT SORT OF TRAILS AWAY)
Rybrit: Ha ha ha ha, Vlashmir you and dad both really cheeky monkey, you know it is. Ha ha ha.
Ian: What are they saying Dawn?
Dawn: They are shouting Topout or something?
Ian: Maybe it’s top off, as in get your top off?
Dawn: Rybrit why do they want you to get your top off?
Rybrit:(LAUGHING) No, it’s nicked name, they shout hey Topo??? (YOU CAN’T MAKE OUT THE LAST BIT IT SORT OF TRAILS AWAY) (SMALL PAUSE THEY JUST WALK SILENTLY FOR A SHORT WHILE) You come round to mine for dinner and we sunbath after, I have a roof territz.
Dawn: He’s a funny man, nice to invite us for dinner later on his roof terrace though.
Ian: I just can’t wait to try some traditional food from round these parts. (INSERT APPROPRIATE TRADITIONAL DISH IN THIS SENTENCE).
Dawn: Yes me to. What’s that with the nickname though?
Ian: They only thing I can think of is Topov. Do you remember that old children’s program called pipkins well Topov was the monkey so maybe they are calling him Topov because he calls everyone cheeky monkey all the time.
Dawn: That’ll be it yes, Hartley hare and Topov loved that program.
THEY ARE ON THE ROOF TERRACE, THEY HAVE JUST FINISHED EATING, RYBRIT IS STILL SCRATCHING HIMSELF, HE LET’S OUT A BIG BELCH
Rybrit: That was a great meal even if myself says so?
Dawn: (whispers) Ian you have to belch as well, it’s manners.
IAN STRUGGLES TO BELCH BUT IT LOOKS UNCOMFORTABLE HE LOOKS LIKE IT HAS CAUSED HIM TO PULL A MUSCLE IN HIS SIDE
Dawn: Belch Ian.
Ian: I think I’ve pulled a muscle in my side.
Dawn: Ian! (DAWN TRIES TO BELCH BUT CAN’T MANAGE TO EITHER BUT SHE DOESN’T PULL ANYTHING) That was lovely Topov thank you very much. You cheeky monkey.
Rybrit: Why you call me Topov, why you call me cheeky monkey. I sunbath now.
RYBRIT LEAVES THE ROOF TERRACE FOR A MOMENT HE SEEMS A LITTLE PUT OUT
Dawn: Ian you’ve offended him.
Ian: I haven’t said anything.
Dawn: Well you said his nickname was Topov.
Ian: I was just guessing I don’t know we couldn’t hear it clearly.
RYBRIT COMES BACK ON TO THE ROOF TERRACE, HE ONLY HAS ON A HAT OTHERWISE HE IS NAKED, HIS MOOD SEEMS TO HAVE CHANGED FOR THE BETTER THOUGH
Rybrit: Ah sunbath, I love these ultra violets, they make me happy.
HE WALKS TO THE EDGE OF THE ROOF TERRACE, EVEN WITH HIS TROUSERS OFF HE STILL SEEMS TO BE SCRATCHING AWAY IN THE GENERAL GENITAL AREA. SOMEONE SHOUTS FROM DOWN AT STREET LEVEL WHILE HE IS HAVING A GOOD OLD SCRATCH
Passerby 3: Hey Topo????, Topo???
Rybrit: Hey you cheeky monkey you all a cheeky monkey eh. (RYBRIT,SMILING AND CHUCKLING, TURNS BACK TO DAWN AND IAN ON THE SUNLOUNGERS WHO SURPRISINGLY AREN’T SHOCKED BY RYBIT’S NUDITY)
Dawn: I’ve got it Ian, I heard it that time, the nickname.
Ian: I still couldn’t hear it.
Dawn: Yes, they were shouting Topol, Topol you know?
Ian: Oh yeah from ‘Fiddler on the roof’. Now it makes sense.
Dawn: Yes it does.
THEY BOTH SING IN UNISON
Dawn, Ian: If I were a rich man dibby dibby dibby dibby dibby dibby dibby do, all day long I’d dibby dibby do if I were a very wealthy man…..
FADES OUT WHILST THEY ARE STILL SINGING.