2008 08 09

Sinister Undertones:
Ian and Dawn are sat down at a table outside a cafe. Ian has half a glass of blue fizzy pop in front of him.
Dawn: Ian don’t drink the rest of that on an empty stomach I’m off to go and get some water to dilute that down for you. Don’t let him drink any more of that Jonti it’s too strong for him.
Jonti: I can’t stop him as that would be intervention and compromise my objectivity as a documentary film maker.
DAWN LOOKING AT JONTI AS THOUGH SHE DOESN’T HAVE TIME FOR THIS
Jonti: Why are you looking at me like that?
Dawn: I don’t have time for this Jonti. You know how up he gets when he drinks too much of that stuff, it’s the indigotine in it. Just watch it while I go and get some water ok.
DAWN GETS UP AND WALKS AWAY FROM THE TABLE. IAN SHOUTS AFTER HER
Ian: It’s alright Dawn I’ll dilute it myself.
DAWN HAS ALREADY MOVED INTO THE CAFE OUT OF EAR SHOT OF THIS COMMENT
IAN GETS A BOTTLE OF RED POP FROM HIS BAG AND STARTS TO TOP UP THE BLUE POP IN HIS GLASS. HE IS BEING LIKE A LITTLE NAUGHTY BOY CHUCKLING TO HIMSELF
Jonti: Are you alright Ian?
Ian: (Giggling) Yeah why shouldn’t I be?
Jonti: Should you be mixing your artificial food colourings like that
Ian: I’m experimenting. (He has a big drink of his concoction he has just made). Uhhhmmm, that’s really not bad try some Monty (Ian giggling again).
Jonti: It’s Jonti.
Ian: Yeah but Roy called you Monty, he thought you were called Monty. Monty Bloom that’s funny, try some of this pop mix Monty.
Jonti: I’ll have a sip if you stop calling me Monty.
Ian: Ok….
JONTI TAKES THE GLASS AND HAS A QUICK SIP
Ian:….Monty
DAWN GET BACK FROM INSIDE WITH A JUG FULL OF WATER, SHE SEES THE GLASS OF POP IN JONTY’S HAND AND THE BOTTLE OF HALF FULL RED POP ON THE TABLE
Ian: Dawn, Monty has topped up my blue pop with this red pop.
Dawn: Jonti what are you doing, you were supposed to be watching him.
Jonti: He did it Dawn, he’s being really strange. I think he’s ODed on E numbers he did have a whole tube of sherbert dib earlier. It’s as though he’s a bit stoned.
Ian: Naughty Monty, Monty’s done bad thing. Tut Tut (giggles again)
Jonti: I’m not into violence but Dawn please tell your brother that if he calls me Monty once more I might just lose it.
Dawn: What the hell am I going to do with you two? You are like a pair of kids, I’ve got a good mind to….
DAWN LOOKS ACROSS AT A NEAR BY TABLE
Dawn: That shifty bloke has gone and he’s left something on the table. A plastic bag.
Jonti: What bloke?
Dawn: He was sat over there smoking a roll up. There was something I didn’t like about him. I wander what’s in the bag?
Jonti: Maybe it’s a drug’s drop off, some guy may come and sit there in a minute and walk off with the bag. Let’s wait and see what happens next.
Dawn: Maybe some sort of bomb device.
Ian: Oh my God maybe it’s a bomb.
Jonti: Not giggling now Ian nothing like the imminent threat of death to sober you up.
IAN IS POURING THE JUG OF WATER ALL OVER HIS CARDY
Ian: I’m going to throw this over the bag. Water is better at absorbing the blast than almost anything. Except for maybe a huge bank of sand bags but we don’t have time for that.
Jonti: Or the bags or the sand.
Dawn: (LOOKING VISIBLY WORRIED) Be careful Ian.
Ian: I’m going in. (IAN APPROACHES THE PLASTIC BACK VERY TENTATIVELY.)
DAWN IS CROUCHING UNDER THE TABLE
Dawn: I will always remember you Ian. Your life was not in vain, it touched all our hearts and you leave behind a legacy Ian a legacy that I will continue to follow on your behalf.
IAN IS RIGHT UP TO THE BAG AND HE PEERS INSIDE AND IS JUST ABOUT TO THROW THE CARDY OVER THE TOP OF IT
Ian: Hang on, it is just stuffed with loads of bits of paper.
Dawn: Bloody hell Ian scaring the crap out of us like that going on about bombs.
IAN HAS PULLED OUT SOME OF THE BITS OF PAPER AND IS READING THEM BACK AND FRONT HE LOOKS REALLY SHOCKED HE WALKS BACK TO THEIR TABLE HE FLINGS SOME OF THE PIECES OF PAPER ONTO THE TABLE
Ian: Yazz / Davis, Blessed/Taylor, Carter/Kasporov. Guyjax/Hoskins these are the autographs. These are the autographs I gave to the guys from your birthday present.
Dawn: Why would they all be here now in this bag..all together. Those men where from all over the place, Padua, New Zealand, Marseille.
Ian: There is something a bit sinister about this. I don’t like this. I don’t like this one bit. We need to get a local paper and quickly.
The End.

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