2007 08 03

CROSSED PURPOSES

SYNOPSIS: DAWN and IAN are not the only one with quests…

Location: CAFE

Characters: IAN, DAWN, BILLY TYRRELL.

EXT. CAFE. DAY.

DAWN and IAN are sat in a cafe outside.

DAWN: It's alright for you. You can sleep in the car. I have to do all the driving.

IAN: I can drive.

DAWN is surprised.

DAWN: Oh can you, really, that's good.

DAWN tries to change the subject she doesn't want IAN to drive.

IAN: But only really small cars. I don't like big cars. I feel like i'm driving an aircraft carrier. Dad made me learn in this imported 1970's Lincoln Continental. It was left hand drive and like the size of…gods shoes or something. So I only drive small cars like mini's or those smart cars.

A man turns round on a nearby table, it is Billy Tyrell in his full Mansfield Town kit. Boots and all.

BILLY: Excuse me, are you english.

DAWN: Yes…

BILLY: Oh great, I haven't come across many English recently. It's nice to see some.

IAN: Well we are kind of abroad.

BILLY: I know, what I meant was it's nice to hear you know English people. You on holiday.

DAWN: No we're on a quest.

BILLY: A quest eh? No kidding, I'm on a quest to.

DAWN: Really?

BILLY: Yeah, Yeah. So what you searching for.

DAWN: Our brothers and sisters. They're scattered across Europe.

BILLY: I see…Plane crash was it.

DAWN: No. No, we've not meant them, they're spread out across Europe and we're looking for them.

BILLY: Oh right, I see. I'm Billy Tyrell by the way.

BILLY holds out his hand and shakes DAWNS hand.

DAWN: I'm Dawn.

BILLY moves to Shake IAN's Hand. IAN shakes it meekly.

IAN: Ian.

DAWN: So what's your quest?

BILLY: I'm looking for a football club.

DAWN: Which one?

BILLY: Not a specific club, i'm not thick or nothing. I can find them. I've got maps and things…

BILLY pulls out a load of maps and puts them on the table.

BILLY: What I mean is i'm looking for a club to play for. Mansfield

BILLY clutches shirt.

BILLY: They've give me the push you see so I need to find a new club.

IAN: But don't you have like agents and things.

BILLY: I did, but he got had up in some scandal over bungs or something. And then he died.

DAWN: Shame.

BILLY: Yeah so i've had to go on this "quest" to find a new club.

IAN: Why are you in Europe then, shouldn't you try some British clubs.

BILLY: I did, I tried a few. Swindon, Shrewsbury, Manchester United, Hednesford Town, Gretna, Cardiff, AC MILAN. They don't need anyone. So I thought i'd try my luck on the continent.

IAN: Where do you play?

BILLY: On a football pitch.

IAN: I mean what position.

BILLY: Oh right sorry, I see what you mean now. Any position, even Goalkeeper, i'm not fussy except right back. Can't think of any famous right backs.

DAWN: So Why are you still wearing the football shirt.

BILLY: Ah, now, not everyone abroad speaks english right. So how are they gonna know I'm a footballer eh?

BILLY clutches shirt

BILLY: Eh?

IAN: Ah?

DAWN: Very clever.

BILLY: I thought so.

IAN: Why not go to america. I mean they speak english over there and David Beckhams gone over there and stuff.

BILLY: But they don't play football, they play soccer, it's similar, but not the same. Besides I reckon everyone's going to be going over there from Europe so they'll be crying out for players. Stands to reason.

IAN: I suppose.

BILLY stands up.

BILLY: Anyways, nice to meet you. I best be going. I'm going to this club (ENGLISH pronounciation) Real Valladolid tomorrow. Don't know where it is do you?

DAWN and IAN shake No.

BILLY goes through his maps.

BILLY: It's not on any of these maps see. Valladolid is but not Real Valladolid. Well I dunno, I'll go to this Valladolid and ask directions. Nice to meet you.

DAWN: Yeah.

IAN: Bye Bye.

BILLY begins to walk down the street, the clacking of the football boots as he goes. Possibly even to the strains of The Littlest Hobo.

DAWN watches him leave and then turns to IAN.

DAWN: Billy Tyrell's not on the list is he.

IAN opens up the tin and pulls out a list and scans it.

IAN: No.

DAWN clutches her chest and breathes a sigh of relief.

DAWN: Thank god. For a minute I thought we might have let one slip. There was something familiar about him. You know the questing thing. it could be genetic.

IAN: Well it wouldn't be the sports.

DAWN: No….

END.

By David Martin e-mail: moc.liamg|ekipmnolubez#moc.liamg|ekipmnolubez web: www.aboutblankmedia.com

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