Keith Snatch

Keith Snatch, Lichtenstein:

Started out life doing the links at radio Doncaster. After seeing a documentary about the Dalai Lama he realised there was more to life and that very week due to a generous bursary from the prince’s trust he found himself on a course at agricultural college (due to a cancellation, it normally takes longer than this to secure a position).

Apart from failing his exam on the physiology of the udder, he passed the other sections of his course with flying colours. Two years later he was in the dairy production industry with his own range of soft spreadable blue cheeses that spread straight from the fridge. Taken up by a popular northern super market chain at the time (it has since been swallowed up by one of the big three 7 11, Spar and Pop in and then f**k off) it had a distribution centre that stretched as far west as Barnsley as far east as Scunthorpe and as far north as Selby. If you look at the citing of these towns on AA route finder you will see they form a sort of slightly skewed isosceles triangle. It became known as the cheesy triangle. It was this name that prompted Snatch to change the shape of his cheeses, the triangular shaped curdled milk snack was born.

On the strength of this new shape he managed to secure a niche export market in the principality of Lichtenstein mainly due to the tax advantages. Things were going well for 18 months, unfortunately he got greedy and tried to expand into other areas outside his circle of expertise. The barbecue sauce market was already pretty saturated (Newman, Grossman and the like), Keith was determined he could crack it and get a slice of this lucrative market. It didn’t seem to matter how much money he pumped into it Snatch sauce for some reason just didn’t take off. He was a stubborn fellow and fought it to the end.

He can still be found wondering the streets of Lichtenstein ( he is probably what is classed as a tramp these days). He still has one bottle of his barbecue sauce with him trying to promote it to anyone who will listen or infact people that don’t even want to listen. The contents of the bottle have long since been consumed and is now filled with a lighter fuel, meths, bulmer cider mix.

(useful google searches for more info: cheesey Keith, smelly Keith, Keith Snatch or possibly other permutations of these words).

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