My name is Dustin Eyejuice, I am a natural entertainer, though I am currently unemployed. The last job I had was in a factory that makes dangerous plastic toys that are given away inside plastic eggs in Spain. Since 1999, I have been largely living on the money left to me by my dead mother.
In 2004, that money ran out, and I have been trying to make money through a series of business ideas. Firstly, I developed a special kind of pen for writing secret messages on paper. I thought children would like these, but the lids were toxic and the ink caused minor burns on some kinds of skin. Specifically, the skin of children.
My next idea was to take my natural entertainer skill and produce a CD of my songs. I write songs in my spare time. Many of them are love songs and often about Plymouth, including 'I met you on the bus to B&Q' and 'Your hair reminds me Derry's Cross'. Sadly, I was given bad advice about this CD, and spent my remaining money getting thousands of copies pressed. To date, I have sold less than three of them, and have recently taken to fashioning them into novelty ashtrays and selling them in my local pub, Hammers, on Sebastian Avenue, in Plymouth.
In 2005, I became involved with a podcast, and was promised money that never came. These days, I do a little bit of casual, untaxed bar work in Hammers, for which I am not paid, due to a prior incident with the landlord's nephew's cat, and I also put on a variety evening once a week, called 'An Evening with Dustin Eyejuice' - my initial announcement of this is available, under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike license from my website in both audio and text form.
I spend my spare time looking for ways to make money, making freephone calls from phone boxes and avoiding future altercations with cats.
In January 2007, I took a coach trip from Plymouth to Italy, but missed the coach back. I've been stuck here for seven months now, and have taken to working in a bar here to make some money. Terry, the landlord of the Hammers pub back in Plymouth has promised to send me a return coach ticket, but this hasn't arrived yet. Alone here in Italy, with no friends and no family, I feel lonely for the first time in my life. What am I doing here? I want to go home.
My website is http://eyejuice.wordpress.com/ « fixed the link